How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
