If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize