im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
