Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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