Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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