u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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