Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
