I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
