i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
