Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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