his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
