i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
