I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
