cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
