Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
