I wannas sexs uuuuu
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
