I accidentally had phone sex last night
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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