Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So drunk its hurt
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
