what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
