i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
