the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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