so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
