I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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