i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
