You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
