Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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