If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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