I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
