And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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