some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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