Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
