So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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