Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
