He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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