I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
