were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My vagina just clenched in fear
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
