They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
birth control should be required to get into college
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
