i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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