I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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