Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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