I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
