K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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