Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
