I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
