You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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