I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
we're so committed to being not committed
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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