someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
