You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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