Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
