yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
