walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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