I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
