I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
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Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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