he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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