Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
