I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
