i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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