Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Too much gin, very little bucket
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
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