I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
