Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
