just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
