so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
