There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
