Just fell off a train. Bad.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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