I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
