Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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