How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
