Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
