R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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