I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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