your thong is hanging out like whoa
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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