i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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