...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
