what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
