Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize